Pet Peeve

For those of you who aren't from the South or don't have good Southern friends to teach you the rules, whatever you say before or after "bless their heart" is totally acceptable since you're giving your blessing simultaneously. For instance, it is totally acceptable to say "bless her heart, my friend Susan is a whore" or even, "Donna, bless her heart, is effing bonkers". As such, Sam, bless her heart, is driving me crazy with all her probing into Santa and Elf magic. Why does the elf show up in a box if it can fly, Mom? No idea, Sam. Does Santa have kids? Why not? Are the elves his kids? Who fills Santa's stocking when he's out filling all the other kids' stockings? Mrs. Claus? I offer up, hopefully. No, can't be because then who'd fill hers? Oh, I figured out the elf thing mom. What elf thing? Why they show up in a box. Probably so you don't pick them up right away and take away their magic, the box protects them and comes with the book so you know what to do. (I'm more impressed with this logic than annoyed). Why do they sell the boxes at stores though, Mommy?

But seriously, why do they sell the Elf on the Shelf boxes at kids' stores? And why do these stores have giant displays that say Stocking Stuffers Here? Whenever I see these signs I cringe, please don't read it, please don't read it, why did your teachers teach you to read I lament. You don't have to say "Stocking Stuffers Here", we can figure it out on our own Mr./Mrs. Store Manager. I have no idea how to explain why there were so many Elf on the Shelf boxes to be sold when I have told the girls ours showed up unexpectedly one day, probably a gift from Santa. Yikes. And in the same vein, why do all kids Christmas shows have an underlying theme of "is Santa real?" Really, do we have to introduce this concept to kids? My girls hear this and say "why would little Johnny not think Santa was real?" and I half smile and shrug and my shoulders and say "I have no idea, what a silly show." They're going to catch on and I'm going to have cartoons to blame.