You'd think I learn. Every year it seems I'm faced with the challenge of what to do when my kids change their mind about their Santa gift. This year Sam scoured the American Girl catalog and decided, back in late October, that she really wanted the girl sized and doll sized matching sleeping bags. As a dutiful mom, I ordered them and had them sent to Grandear's house to await our and Santa's arrival. Well imagine my anger, I mean surprise, when her letter to Santa didn't mention this at all. She wanted an American Girl doll bed, a new computer (a play one) and something illegible. When we went to see Santa and he asked what she wanted she said the bed. She's going to be pretty pissed when she doesn't get the flipping bed! Part of me wants to prompt her and say "what about the sleeping bags honey, those were swell?" in hopes that she'll light up and say "Oh yes, mommy, that's it!" but most likely she'll say "oh no, that's all wrong" and then where would I be? At least this way we can hope the craziness of Christmas morning will dull her disappointment.

I mean, seriously, if I could run out and buy her the bed, I probably would, but there's no American Girl store within 200 miles of me and the thought of what that store would look like a few days before Christmas is enough to send me drinking now (it's just 6:44am). That store is crack for 5-10 year old girls. Trade dressing like a homeless person for dressing like your doll, instead of paying hundreds of dollars for drugs, you pay hundreds of dollars to outfit and pierce your doll's ears (yes, actually pierce them!), trade eating out of dumpsters for having tea with strangers and their matching dolls while servers actually serve and talk to the dolls. It's insane. Even so, I would probably do it if I could. But I can't. She's getting the sleeping bags and she'll love it damn it.

Merry Christmas :)

Pet Peeve

For those of you who aren't from the South or don't have good Southern friends to teach you the rules, whatever you say before or after "bless their heart" is totally acceptable since you're giving your blessing simultaneously. For instance, it is totally acceptable to say "bless her heart, my friend Susan is a whore" or even, "Donna, bless her heart, is effing bonkers". As such, Sam, bless her heart, is driving me crazy with all her probing into Santa and Elf magic. Why does the elf show up in a box if it can fly, Mom? No idea, Sam. Does Santa have kids? Why not? Are the elves his kids? Who fills Santa's stocking when he's out filling all the other kids' stockings? Mrs. Claus? I offer up, hopefully. No, can't be because then who'd fill hers? Oh, I figured out the elf thing mom. What elf thing? Why they show up in a box. Probably so you don't pick them up right away and take away their magic, the box protects them and comes with the book so you know what to do. (I'm more impressed with this logic than annoyed). Why do they sell the boxes at stores though, Mommy?

But seriously, why do they sell the Elf on the Shelf boxes at kids' stores? And why do these stores have giant displays that say Stocking Stuffers Here? Whenever I see these signs I cringe, please don't read it, please don't read it, why did your teachers teach you to read I lament. You don't have to say "Stocking Stuffers Here", we can figure it out on our own Mr./Mrs. Store Manager. I have no idea how to explain why there were so many Elf on the Shelf boxes to be sold when I have told the girls ours showed up unexpectedly one day, probably a gift from Santa. Yikes. And in the same vein, why do all kids Christmas shows have an underlying theme of "is Santa real?" Really, do we have to introduce this concept to kids? My girls hear this and say "why would little Johnny not think Santa was real?" and I half smile and shrug and my shoulders and say "I have no idea, what a silly show." They're going to catch on and I'm going to have cartoons to blame.