When Ryan was a baby she was colicky, fussy, hard to put to bed and, get this, she needed me constantly. The gall of some babies! I was lucky to pee by myself and even that didn't happen often. When times were particularly tough such as after a night of little sleep, I would wrap her up in blankets and strap her in the stroller and throw on hat (on me because washing or even brushing my hair wasn't a priority) and we'd head out for a walk to the coffee shop. She liked the fresh air and I needed the caffeine. Inevitably, on these frequent walks, we'd see other moms with older children, who appeared to be fully showered and bright eyed and laughing. The kids were maybe 5 or 6 years old, carrying their backpacks for school and pointing out a cute dog or retelling a funny joke. Ryan was spitting up or pooping. I thought to myself that my daughter would never be old enough to go to school - I simply couldn't see how this little baby could possibly grow up into one of those. They walked and talked and carried their own gear and gave their moms hugs and seemed pretty self-sufficient. Although it happened for everyone else for millenniums, it wasn't going to happen for me. I just knew it.
Well, I was wrong, it happened, Ryan went off to school this week. Real school as in Kindergarten and get this, she walks, talks, carries her backpack and laughs about a knock knock joke having to do with cows and ice cream faces. I don't get it but clearly I'm not supposed to. And I should be ecstatic, right? She did it. She grew up, she's smart and fun and she doesn't fuss at bedtime (too much). She's everything I wanted her to be. In fact, she doesn't even need me quite as much and I pee by myself all the time now. It's kind of lonely in that bathroom without her. And I'm realizing that if she made it to 5, she's probably going to make it to 10 and 15 and even 20 (don't they go off to college about then?) and this is unacceptable so I asked her nicely, in my sweetest mommy voice, to stop growing now. Five is a great age, let's just put on the brakes. She cocked her head, smiled and said "I can't do that mommy, I just keep growing."
So now I take her to school every morning in her cute Kindergarten uniform and she gives me lots of hugs because she's still not sure about the whole thing. We say our goodbyes, sometimes through a thin veil of tears, and I reassure her that I'll pick her up after school and that it's going to be a great day. She nods and walks into the room to put away her backpack and lunch. When I pick her up, her whole face smiles for an instant, she runs to give me a quick hug and then runs by me to meet her friends on the playground. She's happy.
On the why home from the third day of Kindergarten she asked me how many days until school was over and I said, "a lot honey, about 270."
"Is that more or less than a gazillion?" she asked
"Less, a lot less."
"Oh good!"
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